i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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