its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
