Betty ford says i'm here all night
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
Randomize
