next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
vagina is talking i cant
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
