I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize
