When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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