I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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