well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
