In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
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