def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
