I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
