can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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