8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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