everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
It was very surreal. They were listening to a religious podcast on morality while they both went down on me.
Randomize
