Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Randomize
