hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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