How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize
