Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
No more Irish car bombs ever.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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