She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
