I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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