i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Randomize