I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
And then the night went full on bisexual.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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