dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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