Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
Randomize