After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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