What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I don't deserve a penis
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
