I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
