wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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