I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
