The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Randomize
