Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
People in love make me want to vomit
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
