And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
