Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
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