Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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