I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
either way he was missing a nipple.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
