if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
