I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I could fuck to npr.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Randomize
