I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize
