I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
