I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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