happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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