About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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