You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
is that a dick in a sweater?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
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