The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
