just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I want to have your abortion
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
