i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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