i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
