I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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