Your face is a jimmy john
too bad you live with your parents still
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
