my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
As hard as i've been partying lately their gonna have to revoke my organ donor status
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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