school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
