Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
