you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
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