he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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