I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
