just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
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I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
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Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
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