pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
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There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
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Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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