I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
