So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
