I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
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