I want to stick my p in your. b.
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
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