barbara walters just said penis...
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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