Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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