Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
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Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
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I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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