You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.