i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
