no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
