k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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